yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
