so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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