This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
