i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
