At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
