Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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