Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
