Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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