Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize