piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
