My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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