I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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