I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Shame - the story of my life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize