Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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