Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
