Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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