I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
