Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We just shotgunned beers for America
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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