worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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