i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize