Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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