please come you make the beer taste better
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
