Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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