so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
