me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
