You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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