do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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