You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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