Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
