I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
