So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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