I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
