she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
