no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
