he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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