If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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