Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
