do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
