I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
