my phone needs a breathalizer
I need to stop coming to work sober
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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