She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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