my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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