i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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