Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
