It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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