She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
