My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
