just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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