and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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