It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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