I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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