We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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