I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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