Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
