you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Life is so much better after having sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
