My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
