Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
