Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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