I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
