as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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