I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
