My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize