This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
