How's work?
Spinning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
