If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I CAN MOONWALK!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
