im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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