I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
PANTIES FOUND
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