my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
