his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
